Revenge is a dish best served cold. — origins mid-1800s, or Klingon proverb, take your pick
I am not a patient person.
I used to be more patient. Then I got older. Suddenly, I became less willing to put up with bullshit; less willing to waste time; less tolerant of others’ poor behavior; less willing to do things I don’t want to do; less willing to make myself small; more willing to speak my mind or challenge people. Personally, I think this is a good thing, although it makes others uncomfortable or angry sometimes.
Then…a family member had a health crisis. As a caregiver, literally overnight I found myself taxed beyond belief. On a normal day, I have low or ordinary patience. When it came to my family member, I was extra extra patient, or patient x2.
But on the days when I was called upon to be extra extra extra extra patient, or patient x4, it was more than I could gracefully handle sometimes. There were even a couple moments when I had to be patient x5. At those moments, I thought I might legit go insane. When the crisis subsided, I felt like I’d been in one of those dramatic feel-good rescue stories from the news, where people “found reserves of strength they didn’t know they had.”
I had some reserves of patience I didn’t know I had. But it cost me. It was painful and left welts. I understand why better now; patience often means putting your own needs on hold, and I’m not always willing to do that. Fortunately, most days, I am called upon to be patient x1 or patient x2.
Ironically, something that helps me be more patient is other people’s impatience. If someone is being a jerk waiting for my parking spot, or trying to get information out of me, or doing things the hard way when I’ve already shown them the easy way…I will wait, because when I wait, I win. The jerk drives off with an angry honk, the nosy person gives up, or the stubborn person heaves the sigh that says “you were right.”
The better I can curb my impatience and wait, the more likely it is that problems will solve themselves or simply become irrelevant; people will answer their own questions; I’m less likely to get myself into trouble or do things I regret; I’m less likely to injure myself; and I’m less likely to damage relationships; karma bites people on the butt. These are meaningful rewards, and I’m learning how to balance them against my own desire to assert myself, take action and DO SOMETHING.
I keep reminding myself to play the long game…and win again.
A story behind one of the cards in The Tarot of Michelle. Follow the developmental art as a Patron on Patreon.
michelle rau 